open houses are lame but we got through our first one unscathed

We had a broker open house this morning. I think it was somewhat successful. Three agents showed up, one of which brought his clients.

With the last house we sold up in Orygun, we had already moved back down to the SCM but wanted to hold on to it for a while, so it was rented out to some friends. When it came time to sell, our friends were on their way to new adventures and let us know so we could put it on the market, and we were able to show an empty house. (We actually did the entire transaction by fax [this was back in '02] because we didn't want to drive back up there at the time.) Let me tell you, this is about ten thousand times easier than living in a house while selling it. It's impossible to keep a house spotless and tidy and let's-get-this-fucker-sold!-ready at any given time, and it's just weird to have people looking at your shit and being all judgy judgy about it. in my mind anyway

Not that I could hear what they were saying because I was busy wrassling these two monsters on the narrow road up above our house where we were camping out while the open house progressed.

They were actually pretty good for me. Clyde Dog did better than I expected on the leash, considering I haven't taken him for walk since last summer. He's a very submissive dog, despite his size, and is fairly easy to control as long as I don't waiver in my dominance in the least. And when the nosy neighbor came over wondering what was going on, Clyde Dog was very well-behaved, except for maybe getting just a tad of dog hair/slobber on homeboy's black jeans. People always seem to wear black at our house, and I've given up trying to spare them the fur/slobber/love greeting that inevitably destroys their attire. People know what they're getting into when they come over to our place.

Barker was pretty content sitting in the back of the Pathy, but getting him in there is no easy task. Barker is so old that his joints don't really bend anymore. Clyde Dog is so big that he has a hard time figuring out how to actually jump in, resulting in him trying to crawl into the truck instead of just hopping up (in his defense, I suppose it is a lot of weight to move).

This is all a long way of saying that I was completely and wholly disgustingly filthy by the time the open house was over and was finally able to bring them back into the house.

Also, St. Bernards and redwood needles do not mix. He has about a thousand of them sprinkled throughout his tail right now, and removing them is like trying to dislodge gum from hair.

I tell you, this is going to be the last time we ever sell property. We're going to DIE at the holler. Happy and content because third time's a charm when it comes to home buying. Remember that.


p.s. Here's a screenshot of the listing on the MLS. It's trippy to see our house on there! Also, big houses are a nightmare to keep clean and I highly suggest never buying more than 1,200 square feet.

Oh yea, here's a few of my fantastic property images. I'm seriously thinking about offering real estate photography/virtual tour services out in Tennessee because I got that shit dialed, dawg! I made my house look way nicer than it actually is.

living

kitchen

master bath

backyard

future pig pasture panorama

What can I say, I love panoramas. It makes me happy to pull up a view of The Mountainstead from 2,500 miles away. It calms me. I find zen.

And then my peace is interrupted by the sound of chainsaws and leaf blowers in our 'hood (I actually enjoy the chainsaw sound) or the ménage à trois people across the street having a very loud and very personal spat in the middle of their driveway (usually provides some entertainment) or the neighbor's incredibly irritating drop-kick dog that sounds like it's being murdered by a pack of angry mountain lions (I don't enjoy this sound or find it the least bit entertaining, NO).

I don't know if it's because the dog is pissed that its owner is leaving for the day or what, but pretty much at the same time every morning, this shrill yapping slices through the air, muffling my favorite bird's song, that only intensifies as several moments drag on and then finally crescendos into the most wretched, ear-piercing YI!-YI!-YI!-YI!-YI!-YI!-YI!-YI!-YI!-YI!-YI!-YI!-YI! that you ever done hear. These people are at least three doors down. I want to shoot them in the head something fierce.

Anyway, about those panoramas. I took 360 degree images at four different spots on the property. I already showed you the future main garden. Today's panorama is of the future pig pasture.



You can see our big-ass chestnut tree to the left of the barn, and then Jay thinks those two scraggly trees to the right of the corn crib are something good, too (can't remember what - some sort of nut, I think?), and then pretty much 180 degrees in the other direction are two old apple trees. I'm told that all this is excellent piggie fodder.

Immediately to the right of the chestnut tree is the water tank for the little cabin, which I should be able to tap for the piggies, and then you can just barely make Jay out mowing right in front of the storage shed (this was the time he decided that a t-shirt and sunscreen are very smart choices whilst mowing almost an acre with a gas push mower).

I should get on it with GIMP again and draw me some fat little piggies in there frolicking around, getting all nice and plump for our bacon/ham/bacon/porkchop/bacon reserves, but this will have to do for today.

p.s. house will be listed on the mls this weekend. we get to corral the dogs and transport them elsewhere at a moment's notice and then have strangers check all our shit out. won't that be fun! i love selling a house!

swale/contour garden examples

Just a bit of inspiration:

I can only hope that my garden beds will turn out to be a fraction as tidy and beautiful as these ones.

Not a swale or contour bed, but this is a very similar orientation as our cabin.
Our westerly view is to into the hillside, which is nice on hot summer days.

I always find it funny when I see beds on contour on flat land. But I suppose they still work.

I dig the "toilet". I always thought peeing indoors was kinda gross.
Jay says he'll continue to use the indoor bathroom, thankyouverymuch.

I vow to accumulate enough beer bottles
for this. Watch out Heineken.

And that's all I have today, folks.

p.s. selling a house sucks!

See, this is what I was envisioning when I said that we're transporting our chickens out to the holler Beverly Hillbilly style. Except here we're actually just taking them down the road to their new home at our friend Lori-the-other-crazy-chicken-lady's place. Because we decided that transporting two chickens across the country is an absurd idea. The Motel 6 locations along our travel route say they'll take in our mangy mutts and sassy cat, but I don't think chickens would go over very well, and frankly, I don't relish the idea of being denied a good night's sleep after driving twelve hours a day for four days straight because I'm a crazy hippie that decided to haul two hens from California to Tennessee. So now Lori has an awesome new coop (built by yours truly out of old IKEA flooring because I'm way thrifty like that), and we don't have to worry about another animal to transport. Score one for the wannabe farmers!

Speaking of transportation, I booked our moving truck. A truck that we don't have to drive ourselves. Full-service moving companies are totally out of our price range and I would have a very hard time forking over that kind of money anyway, even if we had it to spare (which we don't), so we went back and forth between a self-service moving company where you load and they drive and driving a moving truck ourselves. The former option is still expensive. The latter option is... well, you have to drive a shitty moving truck 2,500 miles, and let's just say that we were not looking forward to that AT ALL THANKS.

Way back in 2001, we moved from Bend, Oregon back to the SCM, which is about 500 miles. I came down about a week before Jaybird packed in my Prelude with our two 100 lb. American Bulldogs and whatever else I could fit in there (which wasn't much, let me tell you).

Poor dogs were stuck in the car with me in 90 degree heat on I5 listening to reggae
for hours on end while I bombed through the armpit of California. At least my A/C still worked.

Jay drove the U-Haul (aka, U-Have-No-Brakes) with our two cats and everything else, while also towing the Old Toy on a car carrier (which was also packed to the brim).

The Old Toy on a mountain somewhere in Orygun.

I was so happy to see Jay when he finally rolled down our street on Monday, July 30, 2001 with the U-Haul barely making it up our street. We dropped that piece of garbage off that weekend and flipped U-Haul the bird for that rolling death trap they rented to us.

Jay later revealed to me that the cats almost didn't make it. First off, Trouble decided to take off on moving day. So Jay got to wait around the house with everything packed and ready to go ALL DAY LONG. I'm told that Trouble finally moseyed up the sidewalk around 5:00pm, at which point he was promptly thrown with probably some excess force in the cat carrier along with his brother Turbo (always the angel), and Bend was waved goodbye (or maybe also given the finger, not sure which). Cats do not usually make good travel companions, and they let Jay know they were not happy with with the moving experience during the entire 12-hour ride. This almost resulted in them being dropped off on the side of the road in the fine locale of Weed, CA. To this day, I am eternally grateful to the hub for making a very smart (and compassionate) if not terribly irritating decision for their benefit.

So yes, we really did not want to repeat the u-drive moving truck experience. I decided to list our "shipment", that being all our worldly belongings, on uship.com. I ended up conversing with a very pleasant gentleman that offered to move all our crap for us using his 1-ton truck and 24' of enclosed trailer space for about the same price as driving a rental truck of equal capacity after taking fuel into account. Essentially a self-service moving service, but it's just a dude and his wife who apparently like to drive a lot so a bit easier on the wallet, and I feel good about supporting a little fish in the big sea of moving companies. uship.com's terms of service make it pretty hard for either party to get screwed over, and he's got rave reviews from other people that actually used his services. This allows me to drive my Pathy and Jay drive the Taco in blissful comfort. And not drive a moving truck.

Sadly, we don't think that Mean Green (first picture above) will be able to finally realize her true calling as a farm truck at the holler. At $1,200 to ship her out there, we have a hard time justifying that expense. Since I already have a tow package on the Pathy, we might reinvest whatever money we get for her into a small utility trailer that can hold more of our stuff. Because, good grief, we have a lot of it.

Did I mention that we don't have to drive a moving truck?

August 1, 2012

Holy shit, we both gave our notices at work today.

August 1, 2012 (or thereabouts): The Odyssey begins.

8+ weeks to coordinate movers, animals, furniture, donations, utilities, and, oh, that's right, SELLING A HOUSE.

woo hoo!

Bonnie and Clyde - Halloween 2008 [unrelated I know, but I don't care!]

MGT

Remember (if you're old like me) that Big Dogs brand from the 80s and early 90s? Jay mentioned last night that the big dog himself is a St. Bernard, which I never really remembered until now.

We have a St. Bernard.

Which got me to thinking.

Vintage drawings meshed with modern fonts.

Then I had some more fun.

I could never be a graphic designer (not that I have that kind of talent anyway) because I can't stand taking direction from people when it comes to art. However, I could design apparel graphics for myself ALL THE LIVELONG DAY.

I know I would buy a women's fitted t-shirt with one of the above graphics if I saw it somewhere. Or a hoodie. Or a trucker hat. Or a onesie for my Goddaughter.

The question is, would anyone else?

future main garden panorama

I got a little crazy with GIMP the other day.

Did you know that drawing out garden beds into a perfect, seamless panorama and getting the perspective even close to believable can be quite challenging? Very worth it, though, because now I can just take a quick looksie and be instantly transplanted back to the holler when I need to do a little daydreaming.

Jay thought I went a little overboard with the wildflowers, but I say you can't have enough for the native pollinators.



Don't worry, there are more panoramas to come. It will be fun to see how close we get to making the land actually look like my handiwork.

friday eye candy: vintage views

I don't know about you, but I could be perfectly content giving this rickety pad some love and navigating a trick ride like that Plymouth Fury.

wildflower identification

Jay and I bought two Audubon identification books, one for eastern wildflowers and one for eastern native trees, during our recent trip and attempted to identify some of the flora on our property. I understand that you can also contact the Tennessee Department of Agriculture's Forestry Division and have them visit your parcel to identify and give advice on what trees you might plant (and which to remove) that would be beneficial to the local habitat.

Ranunculus bulbosus (Bulbous Buttercup)

This pretty yellow perennial weed was just about everywhere, including in the lawn. Pretty easy to yank out, too, since it is considered toxic to livestock when fresh (but is okay if harvested and dried).

Salvia lyrata (Lyre-leaf Sage)

This herbaceous perennial grew mostly by the creek, and I had a devil of a time identifying it at first because the first specimen I picked must have been more mature and didn't resemble anything in the Audubon book. Wikipedia tells me that the root can be used as a salve for sores or the whole plant as a tea for colds and coughs.

Alliaria petiolata (Garlic Mustard)

This herbaceous biennial does have a faint garlicky scent when you rub the leaves between your fingers and can supposedly be used in salads and pesto. So I'll be ripping it out left and right because it's considered super invasive and hurts innocent little butterflies!

Brassica nigra (Black Mustard)

This mustard is not invasive (but not native either), and the seeds are known to make a bitchin' curry sauce, so I won't be quite so vigilant in removing it. If it's good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me.

Geranium maculatum (Wild Geranium)

For a while I was saying in my head "germanium". You can laugh. A pretty plant that is even sometimes cultivated in gardens. Which means I will be cultivating it because you can't beat free plants.

Rosa multiflora (Multiflora Rose)

Just a wee bit obnoxious.

Apparently, this is also very invasive, but goats love it. But we're still not getting goats. It was originally introduced to be used as a living hedge, among other things, so maybe I can force it into submission and use it for natural fencing since it's right near the barn.

Salvia lyrata (right), Geranium maculata (middle),
and Magnolia tripetala (Umbrella Magnolia) flowers...

The magnolia tree is not on our place but is on the side of the road leading to us. It's actually not the best smelling magnolia (described as "disagreeable" in the Audubon book), but they sure are pretty trees.

And that concludes our wildflower (and one shrub) tour of the holler. Wasn't that exciting??

~ Mitsy

fab homesteads for sale: an introduction

I'm a certified real estate junkie, so as part of an ongoing series, I thought it would be fun to showcase some listings in our neck of the woods that I feel would make suitable homesteads (I'm not committing to any particular schedule, but maybe once a week). When I say our neck of the woods, I mean both in Tennessee as well as California, but don't get too excited about the California listings because unless you've got tons of money, I don't think there's gonna be much of interest because I only plan to focus on affordable ones where someone could actually homestead (and no, I'm not talking about urban homesteading). While there are certainly some listings that are now affordable on the central coast, very few, if any, would make a good homestead. Tennessee, however, has lots to offer! And because we're so close to the border of Virginia and Kentucky, I'm going to include those areas as well. Pretty much anything good within a hundred-mile radius of Kyles Ford, TN.

Because Kyles Ford is awesome and you should move there and be our neighbors.

Being a real estate junkie means that I feel somewhat qualified to offer a well-rounded opinion on property, but by no means am I an expert. Jay and I have bought three properties in our lifetimes and have learned a lot with each transaction. We bought our first home at the ripe old ages of 21 and 22, our second at 25 and 26, and the holler almost exactly ten years later. Also keep in mind that we haven't actually started homesteading yet. So while we have grand plans for our homestead, those plans are specific to us and may not be the same direction anyone else wants to take. In other words, our land is perfect for us but may not be for other folks.

I thought that maybe once we finally closed on our land, the urge to see what else is out there might fade away. And it really has for the most part because we have exactly what we want. A true success story! But that doesn't mean that I don't think it's still fun to look. I would consider it exceedingly satisfying to help someone else find their homesteading paradise. So why the hell not.

In order to wade through the vast sea of listings available via the MLS, United Country, and FSBOs, especially considering how shitty the housing market is, I will include the follow requisites in my search:

• Less than $150,000 asking price. Considering the current state of the market, asking price is almost irrelevant. It's definitely a buyer's market, so while this may seem high, it gives more selection. Despite what they say, mortgages are readily available, especially through Farm Credit Services, although you will likely have to put 25% down like we did.
• 10 or more acres. I suppose you could homestead on as little as a few acres, but where's the fun in that? More acreage means more space to do what you want.
• A reliable water source in the form of a creek, pond, or well.
• At least a half acre of south-facing, semi-flat, cleared space for a garden.
• A habitable structure that includes indoor plumbing, a heat source, and a weather-tight shell. Some people might want to build their dream house someday, and some might be content in a shanty hut for the rest of their days, but I'm guessing that most people don't want to live in a self-contained travel trailer for any great length of time. I'm, therefore, excluding land-only listings unless I come across something super awesome.
• At least 50% of the land in forest. Trees are important, people. Properties with few trees are boring.
• No zoning restrictions.
• Privacy, or at least the potential for it.
• Open or easily reclaimed areas that can be used for at least a few large livestock animals.
• Scenic beauty. This is really fucking important.

Part of the fun of property hunting is looking at maps. You know how I love them. So I will include screen shots of aerial imagery (Bing has outdone Google recently in this regard, imagine that) and whatever maps I can find showing topography. I'll also try to find out the current property tax rate as well as list any potential disadvantages to consider in addition to all the cool stuff I think could be done with the land.

I really should have been a real estate agent, but I have zero interest in selling anything, so maybe this will be the next best thing. I tried to find something similar online, to no avail (there could be a very good reason for this, like I'm the only real estate geek out there), so like so many other things (like mountainsteading), you heard about it here first, kids!

Your future homestead hunter,

Mitsy

friday eye candy: spooky spiders and mossy barns

Get your Appalachia fix.

Sorry, no cute, fluffy livestock yet. Just scary spiders and mossy barns.

Happy Friday, lovecats!

~ Mitsy

Matey the Maytag

arrrrgggh, Matey!

The one house that is in view of our place is abandoned. I know for a fact from perusing the tax assessor's site that it resides on the same parcel as our Closest Neighbor (fingers crossed it either stays that way or we can convince someone to subdivide the parcel and let us buy it). Sitting on this abandoned homestead is Matey, my (hopefully) future Maytag wringer washer. Closest Neighbor informed us that Matey's current owner will likely let her go for a very small price, if not for free.

I find the act of hanging clothes to dry in the sun heavenly, so here's to hoping that the washing part will be just as fun. Not sure how well this will work for me in the winter, though, because I have zero interest in freezing my hands off and actually somewhat enjoy visiting the local laundromat because it gives me a chance to read Koontz novels without feeling too guilty.

I'm thinking that a fresh coat of bright red spray paint on Matey would be killer. With maybe some deep green trim. Then I could call her Tomatey! Tomato+Matey, get it?

If Matey/Tomatey ends up not working and being irreparable, which I doubt highly, I might use her as a planter of some sort. The drainage would be excellent. I could set her next to my future outdoor tub that I plan to bathe in during the summertime and have something lovely to look at.

Like this. Don't be jealous of my mad GIMP skillz now.
[ original image credit ]

Friends and family think I'm crazy, but they don't understand the simple pleasure of line drying either, so I certainly don't expect them to follow my lead on this one. I bet you I'll have to beat 'em off with a stick, though, from my outdoor tub. Wait, that's probably the dog I'm thinking of.

Toodle for now,
Mitsy

modern communication is for sissies

And I'm definitely a sissy.

To recap, DSL and cable internet are not available to us at the holler. Our options for connecting to the worldly web are dial-up, wi-fi (via our cell carrier), satellite internet, or a dedicated T1 line.

Dial-up. I honestly think I'd rather just be disconnected from the universe altogether than use dial-up.

With the Wilson booster, we were able to get my cell phone to work as a hot-spot, and Jay was able to actually make calls in addition to eventually receiving his emails and texts (I say eventually because they would usually only appear first thing in the morning), but the speed was painfully slow, and the one phone call Jay did make got dropped. We did keep the booster despite its ridiculous price tag because we figure that some signal is better than none, and we will likely be able to fine tune the antenna over time to get optimal service, at least for making calls and texting.

Just for kicks, I did a connection speed test from my work computer yesterday (I'm right in downtown Los Gatos, and you'd think our connection would be awesome, but we're about a decade behind the times and on DSL). I got a measly 800Kbps down and around 300Kbps up (cue sad face when one must measure something in Kbps), but I at least now know that my standards are low. Using the same test at home where we have cable internet, I got around 10Mbps/3Mbps. Fortunately for me, I'm used to working on the slower connection; unfortunately for Jay, he's used to the higher speeds.

Initially figuring that satellite internet would be much too slow and reading the horrible stories about latency, I dismissed that option almost immediately, but now that I know what my usual working speed is, I think it would probably suffice without too much whining from myself.

WildBlue claims that its newest Exede product has up to 12Mbps/3Mbps  (yea, right), but the data cap is 25GB per month. HughesNet has a daily instead of monthly data cap at 450MB that only applies to down instead of down/up, which I think would be better, but only 2Mbps/300Kbps speed, although that is comparable to what I have at work now anyway. So I've installed a bandwidth tracker on my work computer to see how much data I go through in a month. If I'm way below that, we'll go with Exede; if not, we'll try HughesNet.

Jay has readily concluded that Netflix will no longer be a source of entertainment for ourselves, so it's not like I had to convince him to go without. Although we will likely miss seeing all manner of cutsie animal clips and whatever hilarious nonsense FB friends tell me to watch on WasteTimeTube, at this point in time, we don't see it as much of a loss. I already got over my Hoarders and Intervention and Housewives addiction since we cut off our cable TV service a while back, so it's not like I can't adapt.

I got a couple quotes for having a T1 line installed, but the monthly fee for the most basic service starts at $500 and involves a $350 installation fee and 12-month contract. I briefly considered asking the Boss Man if he'd sport for this fee in exchange for a smaller hourly wage for myself whilst telecommuting, but Jay doesn't think it's a good idea to be tethered to someone else for one of our utilities, and I'm inclined to agree.

This is the closest cell tower at 10.6 linear miles and about 8 miles as the crow flies from us. No bueno.

On the upside, this is the view looking the opposite direction from the tower lot.

I might just have to go park it up there next to the tower on some days and do some work via wi-fi. I could open the back of the Pathy and sit in there with my laptop and plink away doing research. It would be known as Mitsy's Office With A Fabulous View. The locals already think we're weird.

"Hey, it's that crazy lady from California sitting up by the cell tower again!" I'm sure it would be all over Topix. I don't think that because I'm self-centered. I think that because have you ever perused the Topix forum for a small town in the Southeast? It's a virtual water cooler/locker room/gossip haven where you can get all the local dirt on people. Totally entertaining. I'm kinda wondering when our names will show up.

All that being said, I'm very excited about getting a vintage rotary phone. I'm kinda partial to a 70s wall-mount version in order to free up precious surface area in the cabin, but a desk model from the 50s would be totally bad ass.

~ Mitsy

Amis Mill Eatery, or, don't go here because I don't want it to get all crowded and whatnot

This place in Rogersville pretty much kicks ass. I reviewed it on Yelp here (and first, too boot!). Get the ribs. 'Nuff said.

The salad was delish, but I'm a moron for making it the center of attention instead of my jambalaya or Jay's ribs.

So yea, if you're anywhere within a fifty-mile radius of Rogersville, TN and are looking for someplace new to grub, GO HERE. Pronto.

~ Mitsy

the grass was a bit grownup

As we anticipated, our lovely lawn was somewhat of a wild tangle when we were able to take a good look at it after the sun came up the day after we arrived. Jay diligently assembled my reel mower that was waiting for us on the front porch courtesy of UPS and fine tuned the blades for me, but after a few valiant pushes and the tall grass gracefully bending over and popping right back up again, we headed for the nearest Devil-Mart and forked over the cash for their best gas self-propelled push mower.

Sorry, buddy, but you're confined to the shed for the time being.

I should mention that the reel mower did do a fine job on the narrow strip of grass on the side of the house that was blocked by drainage pipe that Jay didn't bother moving out of the way since he had about a zillion other square feet to mow. I used my reel mower there. I'm ashamed to say I became slightly out of breath. It was maybe three hundred square feet total. Yes, you can laugh.

In the meantime, we have secured the mowing services of our neighbor's brother to keep that wiley grass in check until we get out there permanently.

I WILL use that push mower once we get the garden established to keep the paths manicured.

Jay learned the hard way to wear a t-shirt and sunscreen whilst mowing almost an acre of lawn
with a push mower. Blisters surfaced. Solarcaine was purchased.

That second picture is a bit misleading. The weather decided to become an asshole for the majority of our visit. Apparently we brought shitty Cali weather with us, and it's all nice and warm at the holler again now that we've left. I decided to be positive about it and enjoy the coolness because I know that even though I enjoy hot weather, I will probably melt during our first few summers until my body acclimates to the southern heat and humidity.

Next up, being incommunicado kinda blows (but we'll figure something out)! 

~ Mitsy

panorama 1

Too... tired... to post anything meaningful just yet, but thought I'd leave y'all with a panorama in the center of the finish-mowed area, which includes a double sighting of Jaybird mowing. Forgive the watermark - I like DoubleTake so far but haven't decided to splurge yet on the $25 for the full version. Yes, that's a gas push mower, and yes, my reel mower definitely did not make the cut (HAR), and yes, we will be purchasing either an ATV and a pull-behind mower or a ride-on mower. My non-fossil-fueled reel mower aspirations proved to be quite... ludicrous to say the least. However, I do still plan to use it for mowing the future garden paths. for now

We missed the animals dreadfully, but it was melancholy to come back to Cali.

You clearly need to click here for the full version.

More lates on the interwebs issue (hell, communications in general), lots and lots of eye candy, mass mowing, mucho plans, Melungeons, flora identification, local eats, laundry the old-fashioned way, my shitty art, and snoooooooooooze...

we're here!

The grass is a bit grownup, as we expected, but not too bad. Putting the reel mower together today, and headed to Kingsport for some necessities, like a new coffee pot since someone got a little over zealous cleaning it last night. There are a few cow patties in the grass so either someone appears to be  grazing their bovines out here or maybe we just have a clever cow that discovered the gold mine of ungrazed pasture we have. The birds welcomed us as we drove in last night, the fireflies waited for us and gave us a late show, and all is right with the world. Pardon the lack of formatting - posting this from my phone on the front porch (our booster is waiting for us at the post office since we have no mailbox).

HAPPINESS.

boosters + rotary telephone + adirondack chairs + dolly parton

Kids, you kinda get a barrage of posts from me instead of neatly sprinkled mind farts throughout the month because I tend to fixate on ideas that then lead to other ideas, and then it all spills forth via the interwebs and you are forced to digest my BS in large doses.

Anyway, Jay asked me a couple weeks ago or so regarding our upcoming trip, "So, what are we gonna do out at the holler this time?" Which, of course, prompted me to compile the Last Trip Before We Move list of things we might want to do while the holler is still our vacation getaway and not yet the survivalist paradise that we are planning.

Numero Uno in terms of priority is to get our Wilson Electronics DB Pro signal booster set up. We previously bought the Wilson SignalBoost DT repeater kit and hauled it out with us on our last trip in November/December, and while it definitely worked to boost the signal on my phone (I'm normally able to text from the front porch but have to walk toward the barn to make a call - the booster gave me 2 to 4 bars of 3G inside the cabin), it did absolutely nothing for Jay's phone, which makes no sense because our phones are identical and we both have Verizon service. Jay would get bars but no 3G or 1X icon. This made him very angry, especially when I would flaunt my texting capability (and then when I actually got a phone call from my Ma on the front porch, which is when he just about threw his phone in the creek).

MUST HAVE CONNECTION TO OUTSIDE WORLD.
[ amazon link ]

I was told by the sales rep that sold us the previous kit that we really needed something stronger, so we returned it and are gonna give this new kit a try. We're hoping to use our phones as Wi-Fi hot spots for internet access from our laptop and desktop in addition to phone service. If it still doesn't work, we'll return it and have to resort to satellite internet, which I've heard sucks in a major way. I think having a landline phone again would be kinda fun because I would get a sick old rotary model like this one:

I have character but take forever to dial.
[ etsy link ] 

Alas, we'd rather have internet access than a bitchin' landline phone, so fingers crossed that this booster finally works.

The other item we have ordered through lovely Amazon and its fabulous free super saver shipping is the push reel mower. Even if it doesn't work well on the grownup grass, I think it will get a lot of use once we get it tamed. Which brings me to the next item: securing a mowing service so that things stay neat and tidy until we move out there.

We plan to bring several checked bags again (up to three free with first-class service) chock full of miscellaneous crap we don't really need right now but can't bear to part with. Like my clothesline, some decorative throw pillows, and my halogen landscape lighting. Don't laugh. I already yanked the latter up this past weekend and hosed it off and plan to package it up somehow this weekend (because we leave on Tuesday, woot woot!).

I'm going to experiment a bit with rearranging furniture, like maybe floating the sofa in the middle of the living room and using the cheap-o plastic dressers we got from Devil-Mart as a headboard of sorts and positioning the queen bed in the middle of our bedroom. I don't know why I always want my furniture to be floating - maybe it's partially due to the awkward layout of the cabin. I have furniture arrangement issues.

I want to build a simple a-frame level and mark the contours of the finish-mowed area so that I can get a better idea of where swales and terracing will need to be used for the future garden. As I plot them them out, I thought of using the reel mower to mark the contours instead of flags or inverted spray paint because the biodegradable stuff is really expensive and I can only find it online.

I'd like to tidy up the porches on the cabins and stow some of that stuff in the barn for now. Speaking of which, I think it would be fun to do some organizing in the barn, but I don't think Jay considers that kind of stuff fun or vacation-worthy, so that may need to wait.

Those resin adirondack chairs that were impossible to find on our last trip are finally back in season at Home Depot and Lowes so I plan to get two pairs of those - an orange pair for the big cabin and a red pair for the small cabin. 

A few local attractions we might be interested in are Elrod Falls, Bays Mountain and its fire tower lookout, Lawson Falls, Wake Forest Falls, and Natural Tunnel State Park. And.... DOLLYWOOD! I love Dolly Parton, and the guy that leases the hunting land above ours called the other day to find out when we'll be in town and to tell us that he scored us some free passes, woo hoo! So we hope to hit that up on the Monday of our trip.

I've bookmarked some restaurants that we'd like to try, mainly based off reviews on Yelp, a few of which include:

• Amis Mill Eatery in Rogersville
• Harvest Table Restaurant in Meadowview (VA)
• Scratch Brick Oven in Johnson City
• Ridgewood Barbeque in Bluff City
• Purple Cow in Kingsport
• Cafe Jubilee in Rogersville
• Rain Restaurant in Abingdon (VA)
• Cootie Brown's in Johnson City

Of course, this week seems to be crawling by at a snail's pace, and Tuesday can't get here any faster.

~ Mitsy